we were already dead

Author: So, Amon. I’ll let you do this on your own here. The only thing I want to tell you is to write your wishes in a way as if they were already true, believe what you write.

Amon: Thank you, thank you. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind. I have a question though.

Author: Yes?

Amon: Where am I? At which point of the story am I right now?

Author: It’s December for you as well. The 20.12.2201.

Amon: And where does that put me in the story?

Author: I’m not trying to spoil too much to the people. But your journey has started. I haven’t written anything about you on that specific date, but you’re not on your own anymore. There are other people. You’re not feeling the best, you think back to your birthday that was, despite the horrors, filled with a little bit of hope, but you’re not feeling the hope right now. You feel trapped and alone.

Amon: Sounds great.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖

1. I enjoy drinking coffee, the smell doesn’t remind me of anything but rather fills my soul with warmth and comfort.
2. My light hair gets darker with time. Bringing me closer to my mother and further away from my father.
3. I can look at the flames one last time before they finally extinguish.
4. I wish to know if Benedict made it?
5. When I think about the future I’m filled with hope.
6. I have the knowledge about motorcycles to fix my own one.
7. I visit my parents library another time, being able to finally read in peace.
8. I can see the sky, not the dust and fog and red colors but the actual blue sky.
9. I can smell a flower and forget about all the dirt around me for a moment.
10. I have a place I can call home.
11. I’m able to stand true to my feelings, all of my feelings. Really let them be and exist and cherish them for what they are.
12. I get to hug mum one last time.
13. Him. I want him.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖

Amon: Good, I think I’m done.

Author: Hm.

Amon: What do you mean hm?

Author: You know a lot of them are really unrealistic? Also wish number 4 is a question?

Amon: Ah yes, I just felt like it was right to write it that way.

Author: Regarding your last wish, you know where you stand in your story? And you know that in the end it’s you who has the power over your own life?

Amon: Yes. But sometimes it feels like I’m not in control. Like I let the bad side of me take the lead and make me do regrettable things.

Author: What does that have to do with me?

Amon: Even though you say you’re no god, you do have a certain power over me. And you did say you’ll essentially grant me one wish.

Author: Me granting you a wish doesn’t give me power over you. Certain things might already happen but you’re not aware of it – I’ll make you aware, I’ll make you desire something that then leads to your wish. So I’m asking you one last time: do you want to change something, wish for something else?

Amon: I can’t think of anything else. To be fair I haven’t put that much thought into it, but I don’t think there’s much to desire left in this rotten world and if I think of something else, I’ll just ask you to do that for me.

Author: You can ask me whatever, doesn’t mean I’ll do it.

Amon: I know.

Author: Good.

Amon: How are we gonna choose the wish?

Author: I’ll just spin a wheel every day and cross out one wish. You won’t know, then on January 2nd I’ll tell you which one was left.

Amon: And how do I know you’re not playing me?

Author: I’ll update this blog every single day and mark the one wish that’s been chosen, when it comes to whether you trust me to spin a wheel or choose at random, that’s on you but I can’t and won’t prove that.

Amon: Ok, whatever.

Author: Are you excited?

Amon: Rather scared to be honest.

Author: Understandable. But don’t worry. The new year brings new opportunities and chances. We got this.

Amon: Whatever you say Author.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖

02.01.2026

Author: Amon. How do you feel?

Amon staring at the wishes he wrote down, twelve of them now being crossed out, only the last wish still clear on the paper.

Amon: How did you do that?

Author: It doesn’t matter how I did it, I want to know how you feel about that.

Amon: So you’re basically saying, that this is my responsibility now? I need to take more care of him?

Author: I’m not saying anything, it’s all you Amon. It’s you who decides what to do with this information, I’ll simply push you a little bit in this direction and let you do your thing.

Amon: I’m scared Author.

Author: I know Amon, I’m scared too, but that’s just how it is. That’s life. All you got to do is believe in yourself and surround yourself with people that do the same.

Amon: When are you going to finish my book?

Author: Yo yo yo. What’s with the personal questions right now?! I’ll finish it whenever I want.

Amon: You should open your last wish too, I want to know what you’re responsibility will be.

Author: You’re right. Actually. Let me get it right now.

Amon: What is it?

Author: Not necessarily what I expected, but at the same time I’m not disappointed. I pretty much already knew in a way? I have been thinking about it a lot during the winter solstice, also for some reason it was a topic that came rather naturally when talking to friends and family. I guess it’s set now. It’ll be a big change and require a lot of strength on my side but I’m positive I’ll manage.

Amon: That sounds great, I’m happy for you as long as you don’t forget about me.

Author: I would never forget about you Amon. You’re basically my second half.